Difficulty relaxing is rarely a discipline problem or a sign you don't know how to rest. It's usually a protection — a state your system learned to hold because, at some point, vigilance was the intelligent option and letting go was when things went wrong.

Your guardedness kept you from being hurt, blindsided, or taken advantage of in a situation where those things were real risks. It's still running because it worked, and because some part of you is not yet convinced the risk has passed.

Part of the series Why You Can't Just ___ — where I name a struggle you've probably been told to simply quit, and look underneath it at the reasons it was never that simple. You've heard the advice. Set boundaries. Learn to say no. Stop caring so much what other people think. It's reasonable advice, and it's almost useless when you're actually in it — because if it were a matter of just deciding, you'd have done it already. You're not failing to apply simple advice. The advic